So here goes nothing…

14 Dec

Here’s my first blog post. Ever. I remember a time not too long ago that I didn’t even know what a blog was. When I found out I thought it was the stupidest idea. Really — why would anyone want to read the daily musings of random people? And who has time for that?

But here I am, on a bit of a whim. I’ll call it therapy (self-prescribed). Some time in the day to myself to do something that is 100% my own. No one knows this little blog even exists, and no one has to read it. But what if they do? Well, then, I’ll call it a contribution (I hope).

You see, postpartum depression is the single most isolating thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Different than other depression, somehow. And when I went online to read more about it after my diagnosis, I found that I could care less about the technical medical definitions. What I wanted was to hear from other women what it felt like for them. What was going on in their heads, and was it anything close to what was in mine? I didn’t find much, which is frustrating for a woman who does research for a living. Googling was all I could muster, and I could barely even do that. But that in itself is an indicator of my state of mind and testament to how profoundly this condition can affect you.

It has been nearly a month since I was formally diagnosed. Several since I knew in my gut what was going on. And now that the fog is just starting to lift, I thought it might be worthwhile to document this process for other women who find themselves Googling in the middle of the night, searching for voices of other women to assure them that they’re not alone.

Please note that nothing in this blog is ever meant to be medical advice. I’m just sharing my story. If you are suffering from postpartum depression or any other condition, please seek help from a medical professional. And maybe, just maybe, reading my story may help you through your own.

So who is the Vaca Loca? Well, she’s a lactating, co-sleeping, attachment parenting new mama who thought she had slipped past the postpartum depression monster unscathed…but boy is this vaca loca.


3 Responses to “So here goes nothing…”

  1. granolanrainbows December 15, 2009 at 4:14 am #

    Hi, mama.
    You are not alone in this. I am glad that the “fog is starting to lift” for you. There is light on the other side, I promise. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep writing.
    You mentioned that you are BFing. Are you taking fish oil? Nursing seriously depletes your brain of much needed DHA. I chug the good stuff (Carlson’s Cod Live Oil – sounds yummy, no?) straight from the bottle, about 1-2T a day. It’s amazing how much sharper it helps you feel. (I hope it don’t sound preachy. I just know how dark and lonely that PPD hole can be…) Hang in there.

    • danygrl December 15, 2009 at 10:08 am #

      Thank you so much. I means a lot to know we’re not alone in this and that it CAN get better. Funny you ask about the DHA…I had been taking it but stopped for some reason but not sure why. I’m going to start taking it again…thanks for the reminder!


  1. La Vaca « The Vaca Loca - March 24, 2011

    […] I started this blog and was in the deepest throes of postpartum depression (and anxiety and OCD), all I could muster […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: