How did I get here?

15 Dec

So, how did I get here anyway? I guess you could say it was destiny. My life has been a recipe for postpartum depression:

Start with a family history of depression and mother who attempted suicide. Add off and on struggles with depression since college. Mix with a late miscarriage with first pregnancy. Add a surprise second pregnancy with extreme morning sickness throughout the entire 9 months, bed rest, and some random hemorrhaging. Top with an emergency c-section and sprinkle with gallbladder surgery 8 weeks postpartum. Cool for a few months after delivery and your postpartum depression is ready to serve!

My intention here isn’t to be glib or throw myself a pity party. Just laying it all out there. I mean, we all have crappy things that happen to us in life. We’re all wired differently (e.g., family genetics) and we’re all given different tools to handle what life throws at us (e.g., what our parents teach us). I apparently didn’t fare well with either and have a tendency to not handle stress so well. Add up a lifetime of misc. crap and some significant recent stressors, and it just feels overwhelming.

And where is here anyway? Diagnosis: major postpartum depression, anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Oh, then there’s some paranoia stuff to keep it interesting. (Sounds loca, right? Believe me, I know. But even some of my closest friends and family had no idea this was all going on…). Treatment plan (for now): anti-depressants, anti-psychotic, therapy, and self-hypnosis for relaxation and re-centering. And a temporary reprieve from work through short-term disability. What of all this will work? I don’t know just yet. But I’m hoping that this recipe will make the other obsolete.

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One Response to “How did I get here?”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. You’ve come a long way, baby « The Vaca Loca - April 30, 2011

    […] How did I get here? — the path to my PPD/PPA/PPOCD […]

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