Doing what vacas do best…

16 Dec

When it came time to decide Halloween costumes this year, there was only one choice for me, really. A vaca. Because that’s pretty much what I feel like most days…a cow. A dairy cow to be specific. I couldn’t get my act together enough to actually make the costume and dress up, but I was a vaca in spirit, nevertheless.

So a bit of commentary on breastfeeding. My little z-baby is 9 months now, almost 10. I exclusively breastfed him for 6 months. He barely takes bottles and is a reverse cycler — he waits on me all day long to get home from work and then he eats all evening and night long. Tiring? I can’t lie…it sometimes wears me out. But breastfeeding has honestly been the bright spot in my days for months now and is what has kept me going. We’ve had no major problems so far. No latch problems, no mastitis, no plugged ducts, no yeast, no low supply (in fact, I was donating a gallon a week to a friend for several months). I can’t stress it enough — I just love breastfeeding my baby. We’ve introduced solids but he could care less. He’s still a breast man and just occasionally nibbles on what food we offer.

I had been on an antidepressant before I was pregnant and stayed on for the first 3 months of the pregnancy (until I got past the week that I lost my first baby). My ob agreed I could go off but put me back on it as soon as I delivered. I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but knew I was at risk for postpartum depression so I did it. But at about 6 months postpartum when things started getting darker for me, I resisted getting help because I didn’t want to add more meds into the mix. I increased my therapy sessions and kept on truckin’. But I was crashing and knew I couldn’t go on much longer. I found a practice that specializes only in women during and immediately after pregnancy, and I trusted that they, more than anyone else, get the breastfeeding issues for women in this situation.

I told them up front that weaning was just not an option for me, which they respected completely. After much discussion and contemplation, I decided to try a different medication.  I know this is a controversial decision for many women, but we each make our own and this was mine. I believe the benefit for the baby and for me outweighs the risk. I ask the universe every day for this not to affect z-baby. Is this the right decision? I may never know, but this vaca isn’t giving it up just yet.


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