Hi Ho, Hi Ho…

6 Jan

It’s off to work I go. I don’t know where to go…

I mentioned in my last post that work deserves its own post, and I’ve been putting it off, so here it is. In a nutshell, I hate it. And with the postpartum depression, I haven’t been myself and my work has suffered. I was so miserable at work that I decided to take medical leave with the support of my doc. It has been the best decision I’ve made in a long time. I’ve been off for a month now, and I honestly think that’s one of the biggest reasons I feel better. I will likely be off for another month, but just knowing that the return date is looming has recently tripped my anxiety again. So what to do?

My doc says this is not the time to make major decisions, but I see no way out of that, so “sorry, doc.” Here are my options and thoughts as I weigh them:

  1. Stay with the current project I work on. This is a bad choice. Very bad. The stress is too much for me right now, there is travel involved that I don’t want to do, and I absolutely cannot take the grossly dysfuctional co-worker relationship any longer. I can’t stress this last point enough. It alone is a major deal-breaker.
  2. Find another project to work on full-time. Ugh. I just don’t have it in me right now. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to entertain this option. I wouldn’t  be giving them the best work and my reputation would likely suffer as a result.
  3. Find a different kind of position full-time within my company. Probably a smart choice. I don’t know what this would be, but it would be something completely different than what I’ve been doing the past 6 years.
  4. Go part-time. This may be a viable solution for the short run. I’d still have to choose between options 2 and 3 though. But both 3 and 4 may allow me to transition to what I really want (see #5).
  5. Suck it up and quit altogether. This is what I really, really, really want to do. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. At least for a couple of years. And I have a business plan I created that has just been waiting for me to have a little bit of time to devote to it. Quitting isn’t really an option right now — we couldn’t swing it financially. But sig-o is being very supportive and looking for a way to make this happen (Thank you, love).

I need to do my part here, too, and trust in sig-o’s ability to provide for the family (remember the burning bowl?) and trust in the universe to guide us both down the right path. So excuse me — I have to have a serious talk with the universe…

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