Random thoughts…

7 Jan

Just a couple of quick notes for today.

1) I think it wasn’t a stork after all. Oh well.

2) I’ve been thinking more about the work situation and wondering…how do I really know how I’m feeling if I’m basically on vacation? I’m not saying that taking leave is just one big vacation, but how do I know if I’m even ready to handle work again if I’m not working? Working at home is work, but it’s different. And what if I just can’t handle working at work and at home with a kid? Can it just be that it’s too much for some people? In the end it basically boils down to two questions: CAN I go back to work, and do I WANT to go back to work? The latter is a clear no. The first, not so clear.

3) My doc wants me to up one of my meds. I don’t want to because I feel sluggish when I do. And the first day I did it was the day the baby fell down the stairs. I’m convinced they’re connected. So I didn’t take the increased dose for several days. I started taking it again because I’m with family and feel safer that way with the baby, but can’t tell that it’s helping more. Debating on calling the doc about it, but really just don’t want to talk to her.

4) Another crapola momma moment. I realized how far behind I am on my baby’s calendar. I won’t even go near the subject of the baby book — it’s bad. But I’ve kept up with the calendar reasonably well. Until sometime after Thanksgiving when I hit bottom. This REALLY bothers me. When I was a senior my mom started a journal to document my last year in high school. It had like two entries or so written in it because of her own depression. I so don’t want to be that to my baby. I’m so pissed at myself for slacking on that. #@&%!!!!! Now I’m contemplating making crap up just to fill it in. Not totally making it up, just making up the days that things happened on. Is that so bad? I think I’d rather have some dates fudged than the blank book I got.

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