Mmmm… Hair

21 Jan

Our water heater has been on the outs for about a month now. After it finally started to smell like it was going to burn the house down, we broke down and called an electrician. Lucky for us, because it really was about to burn the house down. A few days after having it fixed, though, something’s not right with it again. So the electrician came back and hung around to watch it for a while (it seems to take some time before it breaks down again). Nothing like spending the evening alone with a repair man.

Funny thing is that I had baby-z on my back in a backpack while I was cooking dinner for tomorrow and the electrician told me this story about how he remembered riding on his mom’s back as a little kid and how much he liked looking at everything from up there and smelling her hair. He said that even today (the man is clearly almost 60), he has a thing for hair and that if a woman doesn’t have good-smelling hair, well, it doesn’t go any further than the first sniff. Mmmmmm… hair. I was suddenly happy that I hadn’t showered yet today and that my hair was so disheveled that I couldn’t remember if I’d actually brushed it today or not.

But it made me think… will my son be saying stuff like this when he’s grown? Will he remember my disheveled, unwashed hair, or will he have some other sort of fixation? I’m hoping not. But more importantly, I’m hoping that he doesn’t remember this whole period, really. He’s a happy kid. A really, really, happy baby — despite having a depressed mother who wigs out occasionally.

I wonder how being a depressed mother has/will affect my little z-baby’s development. Studies have shown that babies of depressed and/or anxious mothers have higher levels of anxiety, have lower levels of social engagement, are less able to self-regulate in new situations, perform worse on development tests, and may have developmental and behavioral problems. This is just a few on the list. Overwhelmingly optimistic, heh?

So quite frankly, I’d trade all of that and any associated memories for a kid that remembers my hair.


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