Flux-ier than ever

23 Jan

For an anxious type A, I’m apparently pretty lax when it comes to my own schedule. I feel like it’s in constant flux. By nature I’m a night person, but that’s changed since the bambino gets up at the crack of dawn. Perhaps I exaggerate, but not by much. So now that I’ve been taking a break from working outside the home, our routine and schedule is flux-ier than ever. Like the researcher I am, I’ve searched and read all I could about stay at home moms’ schedules. They’re so shiny, so perfect sounding. But I gotta wonder — are they real? I mean, I crave routine but even I can’t imagine abiding by some of these timetables. Is this just a passing thing for me or have I always been like this? I think I’ve always been like this. And with the baby, it’s easy to just fall into a loose pattern guided by his hunger and oh-so temperamental appetite for sleep. Of course, I’m struggling to keep up with the housework, but let’s face it — sometimes it feels huge to just get dressed, brush my teeth, feed the baby all day, and get him down for naps. Monumental. I can’t tease out how much of that is the depression and how much of it is just being a mom who is tired because her now 11-month old still eats through the night. Yawn. At least with treatment I’m sleeping in between feedings rather than staying awake with my mind racing through who knows what thoughts and scenarios all night long.

Another big change lately is that my sig-o has moved back into our bedroom. We slept in the same bed for about 2 months after the baby was born. Then baby-z and I started co-sleeping full-time and I couldn’t deal with his snoring and off to the office he went. Now nine months later and he’s back. Still snores and that’s an issue, but we’re doing better than before. In fact, before treatment, morning time was hell for me. I dreaded waking up and just wanted to sleep forever and not have to go to work which was making me miserable. Now, I think the morning is my favorite time. I wake up to a smiling baby and drowsy sig-o who is warm and wants to cuddle. I don’t fret about all the things that I don’t want to do that day or can’t bear to face…the days are just blank slates that the baby and I fill up according to our whims. So damn the schedules, because I don’t think it can get better than that.

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2 Responses to “Flux-ier than ever”

  1. danygrl January 24, 2010 at 9:48 pm #

    Congratulations on the award! Thanks for the shout-out — it really made my day!!!

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  1. When Life Hands You Lemons… « All Work & No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something - January 24, 2010

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