And yet…

13 Jul

I’ve still been settling in after the big move. I haven’t written anything here lately because the move and all our life transitions have required more attention than I expected, more time to get my feet underneath me again. And quite frankly, I haven’t had anything to say — I’ve been bored by my own depressed voice. Overall I seem to be doing better though. And yet…

And yet I still have to break the day up into chunks to get through it.

And yet when I go to the pool with z-baby I’m blind-sided by a mom who is amazingly chipper and interactive with her baby. I thought I was doing well until I saw her. I know, know… I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone else, but it still puts things into perspective for me. I look at my little z-baby and it makes me sad to think that I’m not giving him everything that I could. Still a ways to go, I guess…

And yet I find myself pacing all of a sudden if sig-o is the slightest bit late from work, if I start thinking about all of the crap I usually try to avoid, or if I just find myself at a point during the day when I don’t know what the hell to do.

And yet I still stress and have to make myself leave the house some days to do things I’ve planned and wanted to do.

And yet I still have hope that this will all get better and sense that it’s slowly happening.

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4 Responses to “And yet…”

  1. makemommygosomethingsomething July 13, 2010 at 7:58 pm #

    You are giving z-baby all that you can right now and that is good enough. In fact, it is more than enough because you are fighting tooth and nail to beat this an that PROVES that you are a womderful Mommy. You want to get better because you love little z so much. Everyday you give and give….no matter how much or how little recognize that you are trying your best. That is awesome.

    PPD takes time…but you will get better.

  2. Julie July 19, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    I could’ve written this word for word. The part about breaking your day up into chunks to get through it…I do that. I start my day out by asking my husband when he’s going to be home. Sometimes when I’m playing with my beautiful baby, it feels fake. I SO know what you are going through. That doesn’t help you one bit..but sometimes knowing you’re not alone does help some. You(we) are making it through everyday..that is an accomplishment in and of itself sometimes. That little baby loves you. You love him. You will come out on the other side. Stay Strong..

    • danygrl July 22, 2010 at 9:49 am #

      Julie, I can’t thank you enough for your comment. It absolutely helps to know others feel the same way. And I totally get how it sometimes “feels fake.” I’m there, too. I think, “this should make me happy, and I guess it kinda does, but is this how happy really feels? Maybe I’m just expecting too much out of happy?” Anyway, thanks for the comment!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. You’ve come a long way, baby « The Vaca Loca - April 30, 2011

    […] And yet — still in the midst of PPD, but know it’s getting better […]

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