Archive | August, 2010

I was THAT mom today

20 Aug

Yep. I’m so proud of myself. I took little z-baby to the pool today and after a while I noticed that I was the mom laughing out loud and having a ball playing with my baby. And it didn’t feel forced like it has oh so many times. I was truly enjoying myself and the baby. Now THAT feels good!

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Getting back on track

5 Aug

Just a quick update before I head out of town again. True to my word, I got an appointment and checked in with my doctor. She’s keeping me off all meds for now until we can talk some more next week. And so far so good — both depression and anxiety still at bay so I couldn’t be happier about that! So I’m looking forward to visiting with friends while I’m in town and doing some shopping, and even making a quick visit to my psychic. Yep, now you know…a well-kept secret about me.  😉 Updates on all to come sometime later next week. Until then…

A bad, bad patient

1 Aug

So I’ve tried to be transparent and honest in this blog. And I’ve said a few things that surprise even me now (I’m a pretty private kind of person). But there’s a post I’ve been needing to write for a week or so that I find downright embarrassing. The fact is, I’m a bad, bad patient. Why? I’ve really messed up on my meds. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I mean, it’s not a good thing…and it really irks me.

So here’s the situation. A few weeks ago, my back went out. I was on multiple muscle relaxers and pain pills. So in my stupor I missed some doses. It was very hit or miss. Then I started taking them again, but I was visiting family and out of my normal routine and it was hit or miss some more. Then I just totally dazed and now it’s probably been at least 7 days with no meds. At least. And I gotta say, I’m feeling pretty damn good. In fact, I’m feeling better than when I was on the meds lately. I’ve had some dizziness, which I imagine is from the withdrawal, but no other side effects. That’s not to say that the meds haven’t helped, because they absolutely have. But maybe — and this is admittedly a big maybe — it’s time to come off of them. There I said it. Now I don’t mean completely. With my history of depression and anxiety (I now know) and my family history, I’ll likely have to be on something for maintenance. But I’m hoping that I can get off the majority of it. And yes, this conveniently coincides with my last post, in which I ponder my readiness to try and get pregnant again. I know I may still deal with some depression and anxiety during another pregnancy, but cutting out some meds would be a very good thing. And I’m aware I would likely have to go back on something after delivery because I’m high risk for postpartum depression/anxiety/OCD, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it. But I digress.

In the meantime I have to figure out what to do. I need to make an appointment Monday morning with my specialist, which sucks because she’s now 4 hours away. I’m going to email her, too, and let her know the situation and see what she says to do between now and then. I’m writing that here so I’ll follow through with it and not just add it to a list of things to do. And hopefully I won’t get into too much trouble for being such a bad patient.